You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Welp...herpes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
