just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize