Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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