I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
