You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
