My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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