What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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