he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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