what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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