we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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