I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
