Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
