Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
