You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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