where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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