I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
