Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
