Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
