What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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