You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize