Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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