i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
