We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
