hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
