on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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