dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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