One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize