I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
