I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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