I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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