She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize