i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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