New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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