I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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