I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize