My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
soo... how was my night?
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