Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize