walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
