Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
