Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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