the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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