Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize