I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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