all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
