you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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