theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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