just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize