I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
