Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
