Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
