My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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