white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
