I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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