We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
