the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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