on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
