I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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