i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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