need another drink. this is the easiest way
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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