I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
