After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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