I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
