Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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