mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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