i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
