I wish I only lived at night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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